Pressing the Reset Button

This week was the only week that I had for Spring Break. I had a lot of different plans and goals in mind -- get started on my demo reel, read for fun, exercise a little more, travel a little bit.

Those plans fell by the way side. Instead of those plans, I began to worry about the future. I'm expected to graduate in the spring. SPCN is coming up in in nearly two months. I'm attempting to balance two jobs on top of and internship and everything going on in my life. There's a lot going on in my head and it hasn't even started yet. And when it hasn't started yet -- well, my mind has a tendency to think about every worst case scenario that could possibly happen (trust me, there's never just one worst case scenario).

And now I'm beginning to realize -- just breathe. Everything is going to be okay. Sure, this break wasn't the most productive. But it allowed me to press the reset button and reassess what needs to be done, and what needs to matter now in my life. To relax and enjoy the house that held all the dreams that I'm not carrying out now. To be with family and the ones I love. To just live and relish in the idea of being home. This quarter I'm about to experience is only one small part of the life I have and the life I plan to have. Whatever shit will happen, I will take with my chin up and head high.

But for now, I will enjoy the comfort of being in my pajamas, lounging at home and enjoying sunsets across the horizon as I rest up for the beginning of a new and final quarter.

Pieces

I wish people knew who I really was. Sometimes I feel that the girl that speaks so loudly your heart sometimes stops, the girl that always has weary eyes and seems so tired, the girl that can't seem to get a word in edge wise when someone with much more eloquence and charisma is in the room. That isn't me. That isn't who I want to be anyway. But it's funny how sometimes the person I am and the person I don't want to be end up being the same.

But the truth is, I don't want to be looked on as someone who doesn't have anything to say. It's a given, though, that a blank paper or screen is the best mode to capture a glimpse of me that not many people know. When it's filled with words that don't show a person's face, but instead a person's mind and heart.

This winter I realized that part of the reason people know me so well is because of what I put through writing. Essay writing, short stories and scripts, stageplays, scrawled notes in my journals...pieces of me that I put out in the open, crystallized in the pages or on the screen. A piece of me that can be taken by anyone. And yet only a few people have seen those pieces, have taken a glimpse. The truth is, not a lot of people really know who that person is yet.

This is the first step.