The Road to Growth

My journey as a third year in college ended about a week ago. And despite all the stress and worries that came with being a super involved college student that still wanted to keep up with the rigor of academics, I couldn’t be more proud and happy with the way things turned out this year.

I can’t lie, college has been hard for me. For two years, I didn’t feel that sense of belonging or community that other people seemed to immediately get once they started college. I didn't have that substantial support system to encourage me or guide me. I became too familiar with loneliness and isolation, and no matter how many times I tried to break out of those feelings, I always came back to self loathing and pity. I always asked myself, "Why couldn’t I make close friends? Why wasn’t I doing so well in my classes?" These questions only made me feel like I was just a number amongst everyone else at UCLA. I was lost, and stunted. For two years, those inhibitions prevented me from understanding the meaning behind growth and self-love.

So for my third year, I set out to figure it out on my own.

I've learned a lot, mostly from doing things that I didn’t expect myself to do, and exposing myself to different things on a whim. Here's a glimpse at my road to growth this year:

I moved into an apartment for the first time. I learned that living with semi-strangers is actually quite refreshing. And the view still ends up looking great.

I filmed a short film within one week. Although there was so much stress, and in the end, a bit of disappointment, I learned that I love to tell stories, especially through the medium of film.

I was introduced to a beautiful mentorship pack...

And met my incredible twin, who has been by my side since the day we met. I never knew what mentorship meant until I became involved, and I'm so blessed to have gotten the opportunity to know more about it this year.

I tried out a hip-hop dance team for the first time. I always wanted to learn how to dance, but was always scared and felt incompetent. But this year, I not only learned how to hip-hop dance, I also learned how to be confident in the energy I bring on stage on Team Take Off.

PC: Colin Hwang

I ran a 10K. I learned that I can still keep pushing my limits, all I have to do is take the first step. And the next. And the next. And eventually you'll make it through.

I got promoted at my job. I learned that sometimes, your hard work may not be recognized as good work, but at least you still learned the value of hard work and pride of knowing you gave it your all. And in the end, it'll all be worth it.

I auditioned for a Pilipino Cultural Night...
And performed as one of the main roles in front of nearly 2,000 people in Royce Hall. I was reminded once again that stories have the power to resonate with people on different levels, and can even have the power to change lives. Like it did for me.

PC: Cresencio Tano

Along the way I've met so many other people, most of who became more than just a support system: they became my second family.

This year, everything I did brought a new lesson. Most importantly I know now that it's never too late to start growing and to begin the process of loving yourself. It’s never too late to try new things, even if it means doing it alone. I learned to value my independence, my body, my talents, and intelligence. I learned that I am capable of being loved, but it’s just as important to love myself first.

I’m just incredibly blessed to have finally found spaces where I have found a family. I’m happy and proud at myself for escaping that place of self loathing and pity and being able to find confidence in myself and be proud of what I can accomplish. It’s been a long and difficult journey, but I can finally say that I’m happy with the growth I’ve accomplished, and I can’t wait to continue on this road to growth as I take on my fourth and final year as an undergraduate.

Life's too short to even care at all.

I apologize for my lack of updates. The end of the quarter is coming around the corner, and I'm more than excited to start becoming active again! Here's a blog I wrote last month that I was hesitant to post, but since I have been AWOL, I will post it regardless. More posts will be coming soon! Stay strong friends! Enjoy life while it lasts!

May 4, 2015

We constantly hear this all the time: Life is short. Sometimes we don’t really let this sink in until it smacks us in the face when we least expect it.

On April 11th, I ran my first 10K. And while it was an exhilarating experience, it was also exhausting, and all I wanted was to eat whatever I wanted. So afterwards, I neglected my body. My body consumed unhealthy foods and unhealthy thoughts. Soon I began feeling tired and unmotivated all the time. I stopped caring about things that used to matter so much to me, and started putting too much negative thought into things that weren’t even worth my time. I waved it off as midterm stress, and altogether stopped caring for myself. As the saying goes, “Life’s too short to even care at all.”

Then my cousin passed away. He was 27 years old, and was one of the most jubilant people that I knew. Someone who still had so much energy to use in his life. It completely shocked me.

And it served as a wake up call.

Yes, life is short. And sometimes, it's hard to figure out what’s worth your time when it feels like time is running out. People pass when you least expect it, and you don’t realize it, but it can happen to any one of us.

But instead of looking at life as if it’s too short to care about anything, we should stop caring that life itself is short. We need to stop caring that life can pass before our very eyes, because that’s not going to change anything. What we can change is our mindsets, our lifestyles, our thoughts. What we can change are the things that make up our lives.